Chapter 336 I Can't Love You Completely
After getting in the car, she started the car without saying a word. Gu Nankai, who was sitting in the passenger seat, always felt that the atmosphere tonight was a little unusual. He turned his head to glance at Wu Qingluan and saw that she was staring at the front with a cold and expressionless face.
He withdrew his gaze in disappointment, wondering where the unusual atmosphere was mainly manifested. He then stole glances at Wu Qingluan several times, and finally found out where the crux of the matter lay.
"Don't worry, my hand is fine. How can a grown man be called a man if he can't even handle a few blisters?"
He felt a little guilty, and after thinking for a long time, he glanced at Wu Qingluan and spoke. Wu Qingluan's mood did not change because of his words, but she just hummed lightly. Gu Nankai keenly realized that she might still be angry. He swallowed silently, thought for a while and said, "You were fine when you were hit by a bullet, and you must be fine now. But I am really happy that you care about me so much."
Wu Qingluan had originally made up her mind not to pay any attention to him, but with the second half of Gu Nankai's words, her heart was still moved. But on second thought, she wondered if Gu Nankai was aware of every time she cared about him, including her feelings for him, but he pretended not to know and did not respond to her. All this time, she was just entertaining herself like a clown?
When she thought of this, she suddenly felt bitter and even humiliated. She couldn't breathe because of the blockage in her heart. There happened to be a red light ahead. Gu Nankai noticed that she didn't seem to notice it. Seeing that she would definitely run a red light if she continued like this, he quickly reminded her: "There is a red light!"
Wu Qingluan reacted quickly and focused her attention on the road conditions and stepped on the brakes on time. After the car stopped, she felt extremely annoyed. As time went on, her feelings for Gu Nankai increasingly affected her mood, and now it was even slowly affecting her life. She knew deep down in her heart why this was happening, but she was always afraid to admit it.
"Gu Nankai, are you really stupid or just pretending to be stupid?"
It would take some time for the green light to turn on. This time, Wu Qingluan couldn't bear it any longer. Her eyes fell on the street lamp not far in front of the car window. She looked at the red light, took a deep breath and exhaled, then turned her head to look at Gu Nankai seriously and asked this question.
Gu Nankai subconsciously met her eyes and met her deep and serious pupils. Even though he did not react at first to what she meant by that short sentence, both of them were smart people. After just a moment, Gu Nankai already knew how much meaning was contained in this sentence. He stared at Wu Qingluan's serious and obsessive eyes, and for a moment he didn't know how to move.
"I...Qingluan, listen to me..."
That gaze was too hot, or rather, that gaze seemed to see into Gu Nankai's heart, leaving him exposed for a moment. Wu Qingluan's gaze was too clear and serious, and Gu Nankai knew very well that if he could not give her a serious answer, then this time, he would have brought it upon himself, and he had really broken her heart.
All along, he was indeed pretending to be stupid. A girl, with excellent academic qualifications and social status, who returned from abroad and was the best in her profession, resolutely followed him back to China and opened a detective agency with no future with him. Three years later, she followed him into the serious crime squad. Every day, she followed him in the wind and rain to look at corpses and solve cases. She was so afraid of corpses but she overcame it again and again. Even a fool should be able to see why she did this.
But Gu Nankai was always afraid to face his own feelings. The past had always been a thorn in his heart that could not be removed. Those secrets and past events made him dare not give his complete feelings to anyone. He was not afraid of betrayal by others, but of his own powerlessness.
If he had been more decisive , more capable and smarter, he wouldn't have had to carry the truth about his past and live in a daze for three years. He couldn't get out of the nightmare of the past, so he couldn't give himself to another person.
That would be irresponsible to the people in the past and to Wu Qingluan.
Wu Qingluan was so good. She deserved someone to pour all his love on her, but his love was destined to be deformed, which was unfair to Wu Qingluan. Even though he sometimes couldn't help wanting to respond to her approach, when he thought of his incomplete past and those memories that were obviously blank but always made him feel full of conspiracy, he dared not pull Wu Qingluan into his world.
But unknowingly, he had already brought her half a foot into his secret. When did it start? He didn't realize it at first, until he realized belatedly that he had actually brought her to meet Mr. Huo Jiu. At that moment, he realized that he had unknowingly regarded her as the person he trusted the most.
Wu Qingluan certainly didn't know what Gu Nankai was thinking during this period of time. She just sighed suddenly, then turned her eyes away and returned to the road conditions, and then said lightly: "I know."
Gu Nankai had never seen her eyes like that before. They seemed disappointed, sad, and deeply hurt. Facing her eyes like that, Gu Nankai suddenly panicked and subconsciously asked, "What did you know?"
Wu Qingluan's breath was stuck in her throat and her face turned red with anger. The red light had turned green, and she stepped on the accelerator. The car moved and Gu Nankai, who was caught off guard, leaned forward.
What else could she know? Of course she knew what he was thinking. Why did she ask her what she knew? Wu Qingluan felt that there was no point in saying anything to this idiot now. She didn't even have the mood to say another word to him!
Seeing the strong coldness emanating from Wu Qingluan, Gu Nankai suddenly realized that what he had just said was simply walking into a trap!
"I did not mean that."
He hesitated for a while and started to explain again, but this time Wu Qingluan ignored him.
He didn't care. Since the words had already been spoken, he would continue. So he said directly: "Actually, I know, and I'm not playing dumb. It's just that I can't explain what happened to me in a few words. I just don't want to use an incomplete self to pour out my feelings to another person. If one day I find out some truth, how should I face you at that time? Hurt you, or give up on you? Once there is a slight change in the future, and this change will cause you more painful harm than now, I can only pretend not to know."
He felt that what he said seemed to be a bit out of place, but at this point there was no point in stopping to think about the words. He did not look at Wu Qingluan, but stared straight ahead, looking at the people and cars coming and going, and continued: "Maybe I can't define whether my feelings for that person are love or not, but it is undeniable that there is always a shadow of that person in my heart. Even if it has nothing to do with feelings, it is guilt, or some other indescribable emotions. You are too good to me, and you fill in too many gaps in me by my side. Even if I admit my own feelings, I can't allow myself to be with you like this. You deserve to be treated with the only affection, and I can't do that now. I need time to make myself complete before I am qualified to respond to you."
